I never thought it was going be easy. It was bound to
happen. Inevitable, one could say. But I didn’t think it would be this hard and I
didn’t think it would be this soon.
When I signed my son up at primary school, I
knew the day would come when he would leave and move on. "Before you know it he'll be going to high school," some moms would say. "The years in primary school will seem to fly by," others added, and always ended the sentence with, "So enjoy it while he is here." I did enjoy his years in primary school and I can't say I didn't see the end of it coming.
What I did not see coming was how I would suddenly seem to be disconnected from him and the secret feelings of terror this would cause in my heart. You don’t understand? Perhaps this will help.
The day before he started high school I watched an
American spy film called Body of Lies - a political thriller starring Leonardo
DiCaprio and Russel Crowe. Set in the Middle East, it follows the attempts of a
CIA agent to catch a terrorist, yet the agent is not alone. He is assisted by
technological, counter-intelligence methods such as surveillance drones. From
the comfort of the control center the CIA “head-honcho” watches the action,
occasionally using satellite technology to transmit orders to the agent in the
field.
What I did not see coming was how I would suddenly seem to be disconnected from him and the secret feelings of terror this would cause in my heart. You don’t understand? Perhaps this will help.
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| (Photo is my own) |
Amid our "daily operations” of life, I seemed to lose control. My son, suddenly on
unknown territory, was alone out there and I was unable to assist. Not even
cellphones were allowed. This was terrain where I had not set up surveillance
yet and moments of intense discomfort followed.
What do I do? I remember what other moms said: ”Relax! You will soon get the hang of it here.” So, at the moment my screen is still “flickering” but I now know transmission will resume shortly. One day he won't need my surveillance and it will be time to “zoom out” on the target. But until then I am sure glad to be his mom!
And if your son or daughter starts high school this week...I wish you a great year!
What do I do? I remember what other moms said: ”Relax! You will soon get the hang of it here.” So, at the moment my screen is still “flickering” but I now know transmission will resume shortly. One day he won't need my surveillance and it will be time to “zoom out” on the target. But until then I am sure glad to be his mom!
And if your son or daughter starts high school this week...I wish you a great year!
Super blog, Sue.
ReplyDeleteYes we have to let our children fly from the nest and find their own way, but thank God we can cover them with prayer wherever they may be.
Enjoy being his mom!
Thank you Ruth Ann! I bet I could learn a lot from you...but we all have to walk the path ourselves, don't we?
DeleteI certainly relate to this. I remember when my daughter turned 14 and for the first time starting distancing herself from me. It was as painful as being jilted by a lover! I was suddenly no longer Queen of her universe. I knew I could not burden her with my inner struggles or make demands for her reassurance, so I took myself off for a weekend alone with the Lord and processed the pain. Sometime during that weekend it felt like the Lord cut the umbilical chords between us - ties that can so easily become co-dependant - and when I returned home, I was strangely free.
ReplyDeleteShe is 24 now and I have just gone through the transition of her leaving the nest. I was dreading it, but it has been surprisingly easy.
Your honesty will help many moms and it's wonderful to know that each hurdle in life is worked for our good.
That's what I am hoping to do...help other moms! Thank you for your thoughts, they are very helpful to me. I also did not want to burden my son with my feelings and so I wrote. The amazing thing...what was going to just be a difficult day, has become a day of my first "published article". God sure is amazing in how he works! :)
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